Nevertheless, my advice is tinged with my own personal beliefs and, to a degree, limited to my research or personal experiences. I just recently read two pieces of erroneous or misleading advice on dating, targeted to the over 50? population.? And, my surprise and strong reaction led me to feel it was important to offer up another opinion.
Dr. Gail Saltz is a psychiatrist and? staff adviser for one of the more popular online dating sites. She?s appeared on many television shows and writes on the topic of sex and relationships. I don?t know if she?s ever participated in online dating sites or is single. And, that doesn?t necessarily matter, but it is helpful to have a little first hand experience. In a recent article she was quoted as saying, ? According to 2010 U.S. Census data, almost 30 percent of the 78 million Baby Boomers are single. Every day, thousands of those single Boomers venture online to find companionship. And unlike the average social event or stroll through the grocery store, everyone in an online dating setting is single and looking to meet someone.?? source
She?s right, there are many, many Boomers on the online dating sites. But, her blanket statement that everyone is single is a bit misleading.? There are many men on these dating websites who are married and looking for extramarital sex. Some sites like OKCupid allow married men to post profiles, so the number who put their status as Married is significant. On other sites like Match and eHarmony, married people are not allowed to have profiles. So, they lie. With a little experience, you can figure out who?s married by the words they use and the type of information they share.
Anyone who is going to start dating again must understand the potential to get in correspondence, unknowingly,? with a married man or woman. And, you need to make that decision beforehand as to how they will proceed. It may be fine with some and absolutely not alright with others. But, it is a strong possibility that you will run into married people seeking other partners on every dating site out there.
The second bit of advice? came from a woman who writes a dating blog. A woman had written to this female blogger asking whether she should be trying online dating sites since she wasn?t interested in sex anymore. The response was along the lines of ?No problem. Lots of older men are no longer interested in sex so that won?t be an issue.?? She must be experiencing a whole different set of men than I?m seeing online. Men in their 50?s and 60?s are very interested in sex and will often say so.
A better piece of advice for that woman might have included a delicately worded suggestion to talk to her gynecologist to see if there were physical problems? related to her lack of desire. Then, she could have gone on to say that, as with any venue, there are people with a wide range of needs and desires so it might be important to be open about her desire for? a nonsexual dating relationship. And, I?d suggest that conversation happen sooner rather than later to save her the trouble of meeting men who might be disappointed. She could indicate an interest in friendly dating, casual acquaintances, no romance, etc., to convey her intent.
Neither of these women gave dangerous advice, but both of them used broad generalizations meant to soothe and reassure individuals. It was well-intentioned but misleading. Amorousness is not relegated to the 49 and under crowd. People are still cheating on their spouses, with great regularity, and being less and less cautious about that as well. And there are plenty of 68 year old men out there who are raring to go and armed with Viagra, Cialis and Levitra.? Anyone who enters the dating scene after a number of years out of ?the game? should be prepared to meet all kinds of challenges as well as delightful scenarios. It requires clear communication, caution, and a willingness to risk a little.
Source: http://www.awomanspage.com/2011/08/online-dating-advice-there-are-no-absolute-truths/
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